"Having money's not everything, Not having it is." - Ye

Labels: improvement, thoughts, work

I'm downloading 88 Keys' latest album, The Death of Adam. It supposed to give an insight on male relationship induced pain. It seems to cover everything. I wanna give it a listen.

I don't believe men hurt the way women hurt. I know some women are no good, like most some men are no good. But, I have always thought that women hurt and find joy due to emotional needs. Men usually hurt from more selfish personal needs.

Me personally have realized that most things that hurt me that men do to me are things that I allow them to do. If a man gives you some wicked awesome dick and then tell you that he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how good your nash is, believe him and then run far away. I wrote a poem once, "I need to stop acting like my pussy is a dick," because I was (is) so hooked on his sex like some insatiable man.

I was in love with this person and I spent maybe a year within that "relationship" in pain from having a crush on someone who is very present in my life and knows my body sexually better than any man I've ever been with. I will never be able to make love to him, but he fucked me once/twice a month.

He now comes by for "maintenance," as I call it, but I know that he now lives with a woman and he will not allow me to deal with that. He will not admit it. I, for one, feel betrayed. If he needed a woman, why didn't he want me? But i'll just leave it at that. Ultimately, I've decided that he's only good to me for one thing and I, him.

But, anyways.... This cd is to cover all the aspects of male/female relationships and things. BFF (Best Fucking Friend, i.e. see above), M.i.l.f.s, Unprotected Sex, STDs, etc. This might be the best hip hop breakup material since "U R the One" by Mos Def. It's done! We'll see...

Labels: interesting people, love, strange inspirations, thoughts

I spent all day in the house today. I spent all night cleaning up and I didn't get up till about 2pm. I went to the gym, that was nice, there's a cute guy I see there often, we have good convo. I anticipate us getting to know each other outside of the gym, maybe.

I mentioned all that above because I didn't like Benjamin Button film. It was waaayyyy too long. I don't mind long movies as long as its understandable and needed to give the plot structure. But this was obscene. It reminded me a lot of stories I'd write that were based around this one great character or one great idea, but aside from the idea, it's just a story, I mean, even F. Scott Fitzgerald left it as a loose short story.

This was like Forrest Gump and... hmmm.. something else I can't think of. I did love the cinematography and of course, the CGI and makeup was excellent, I'm sure I may be nominated for an Oscar but, the movie was just long-winded and sad. I was already sad and lonely and seeing this film alone magnified that feeling inside me. How sad is it to be moving in an opposite direction of everyone, of the ones you love, of life? Everything moves forward and gets old and dies, in that order and to be out of that must make one hopeless. Which is why this cannot be, thank God.

My favorite montage was when Benjamin and Daisy went to dinner. The shots showed the course of their night, the trip to the restaurant, them being seated, their meals, conversation all while Daisy is speaking over the whole set. It was very nice and I don't think that I've seen a montage shot like that. It summed up their date and showed their affection for one another. Very nice, I'll remember that. I hated the way the movie ended. I hate movies that show the characters in the sense that the main character knew them, it's like some play or something.

Cate Blanchett accent was very present. I know she was supposed to a New Orlean (what are they called?) but I heard that english accent sneaking in , especially when she started to shout.
Brad Pitt is so tasty. I always find his portrayals very aqueous. He sinks into the character and you don't even notice how beautiful he is. His eyes is the main thing that I notice. They show the character not someone playing Benjamin. That's great.

Taraji did good, but how hard is it to play a mammy? I know it's needed but geez... You dont have any white mammies. They even made her butt abnormally large and she dressed in frumpy dresses. They did show her sexual side, but only because she wanted a child, I guess to continue the mammy-dom.

I don't wanna see this movie again. I actually wanted to get up and leave, but I've never walked out on a film before and it really wasn't that bad, just long. I don't recommend it, but I don't not reccommend it either. If you wanna go see it, go see it. If you don't, you're not missing anything.

Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies, thoughts

My dad gave me two movie theater gift cards, luckily Tara Cinemas on Cheshire Bridge is part of the Regal group. I checked out Doubt tonight and I must say I was like... eh. Hmm...

Doubt is set in 1964 and deals with those flashbacks many middle aged men started getting a few years back. There is a young black boy that becomes the first of his kind at a Italian and Irish Catholic school in the Bronx, the pastor there, Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman) takes a liking to him and cares for him in the awkward atmosphere that follows you when you're breaking barriers.

Sister Aluyisious (How the hell do you spell that? anways, Meryl Streep) takes much concern to this relationship as it seems very out of ordinary. It's never revealed if she actually cares about the child or if she mostly concerned with salacious-ness and excitement of uncovering such scandalous things.

The movie presents a lot of questions and doesn't out right answer any of them. It leaves the truth to be found through mise-en-scene and underlying thoughts. I like that to a certain degree but this movie hung to this too closely for my liking. I wanted and needed them to come out and tell me what was going on, that's why I wanted to see the movie, so, I'm just aggravated and I won't tell the ending or other key situations or circumstances. Go see it for yourself.

The cast was great and I think Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman (gotta love the succint-ness of his three names, they can never be interchanged, Philip S. Hoffman, P. S. Hoffman, you never see that. If I met him I'd probably call him Philip Seymour Hoffman, lol) did an excellent, excellent job. They made Meryl look as a ugly and plain and shrewd as possible and her delivery of the lines was just right. She's one of those nuns that uses religion and chastity as a reason to control and restrain people. I hated her character but I thnk we all know someone like her and that's why it worked so well. She will definitely be nominated for supporting actress, and I hope she wins, but I don't know her competition and I haven't seen Revolutionary Road yet.

P. S. Hoffman did a good job as well. His character was likeable yet distrustful at the same time. He was fun and easy going but you could see some form of sneaky-ness, not a harmful kind, per se, but one that was definitely not Christ-like or papal. Once Sis. Alouyisious (I should really look that up, I didn't even know that was a feminine name)

I'm not leaving out the other actress, I just can't recall her name or character's name, her character of a mousy young bright eyed chaste nun was too quiet, it was a good job, but like they say "Quiet Woman Rarely Make History." Also, Viola Davis played Donald Miller's mother, she only had one scene but it was intense, I couldn't watch the acting too closely, I was too busy watching the snot running out her nose and thinking "Geez! Wipe it off, already!!" or atleast give your upper lip the lick off like I used to do as a kid (don't act like you didn't do it, lol)

The film was based on a Pulitzer winning play and even though it was rewritten for film, I think it stayed true to that "play" feel. There was only about two settings. We didn't follow characters home and most instances of descriptive imagery lie within dialogue.

Cinematography was delicious. Opening shots comprised mostly of repetitive lines, all over, I'm trying to find the symbolism behind it. Maybe order? Uniformity? Maybe that means that this story repeats itself in parishes all over? I thnk that would be right (A+ for Cam, :-) Black, Red, White were constant, I'm guessing for the Church. Sis. Aluyi (Meryl Streep's character, I won't butcher it anymore) office was strangely my favorite color green, the color of an old school chalkboard after you wash it off and the water has yet to dry. The whole school was all white walled except for that room, I wonder why?
Also shot composition was very nice. There were a lot of shots where the camera peeked from around a corner on a conversation or peeked down a staircase, which is very fitting for the subject matter.

It was very entertaining, but, as I said before I didn't like the openness of the subject matter. Molestation is something to leave suggested. Either it happened or it didn't, don't make me guess. Don't leave me with doubt.

Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies

That's what this guy at my office said. I thought it was a novel idea and I vowed to follow that mantra, but like most new traditions I try to keep, it didn't carry into the next week. I don't go out on Sundays for the fact that I have to go to work in the morning. I swear the weekend is really only Saturday.

This Sunday I feel really empty and sad. I worked through the night cleaning my place up and fretting about life. Today, I woke up and that feeling of ennui and emptiness came back after I got back from the gym. I'm glad I went to the gym tho and my usual 30 minute became 45 minutes and that made me feel good. I just don't know what's going on with me or my life at this moment, I'm just living through each day, I have goals, but for right now my goals seem to be make it through the day. I'm quite satisfied with the cleanliness of my place, so that was one goal I met today.

Right now, I'm going to try to soak off the sullies with a nice bath. Warm/Hot water with milk and green tea, mmmmm..... that'll be nice. I'll give myself a facial and I'll do my hair while I watch tv and then go to bed. Monday has indeed ruined my Sunday.

Labels: thoughts

I met Danny Boyle a few years back, when he came to screen "Millions" in Atlanta. I was nervous to meet him. I've met a few directors and it's just so strange how ordinary they are. If you watch their films and then meet them, it's hard to believe that they are the vessels of such great work. He was eerily humble and he was even shocked when this guy asked him to sign his Trainspotting dvd.

Slumdog Millionaire is such an amazing story. I know it's based on a book, but, WoW! what a story. It follows these young street orphan brothers through life and shows all the downsides of being muslim homeless orphans growing up in the slums of Mumbai.
Jamal somehow ends up on "Who wants to be a Millionaire" and has actually made it all the way to the end to the very last question. The fact that he knows all the answers doesn't astonish people, but offends them. They automatically assume that a kid from gully can't possible know anything. so he's interrogated instead of celebrated. The movies follows his life story framed around each question that he correctly answered. The set up itself is just great, who could ever think of that?

It asks the audience, how do you think he knew the answers?

• A. He Cheated.
  
• B. He's Lucky
  
• C. He's a Genious
• D. It is written.

You have to see it to find out.

I always see movies and rant and rave about them and then later i'll read reviews and they usually get ok or bad reviews (i.e. Australia and Miracle at Saint Anna) and then after reading what they say i think to myself, "hey, that's true" but this movie is great and was reviewed great. I can safely say that it is my absolute favorite movie.

Cinematically, this was definitely a Danny Boyle movie. There was the backward shot, the enormous zoom out to aerial shot, the impoverished or challenged characters. These aesthetics create a great film visually. Everything was so poor, yet colors were so rich. Danny Boyle has a working class background and he tends to stay true to that and because of that he's able to capture their life without coming off as preachy or as unrealistic due to not knowing. Acting was great, Jamal's love interest was hispanic, but that's cool, she looked beautifully Indian.

I just loved this movie.... please go see it. I know Atlanta represented for this Indie. There was such a long line at Tara Cinema. It was so nice being in a huge auditorium watching a quality film and not some dribble. The indian kids all came out, there were a lot of old white people there, and me. lol.... M.I.A. provided some songs to soundtrack. I'm just blown away.

Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies, interesting people, my favorite things

Just got back in from a special screening of Chop Shop. There was a Q&A afterwards with the director, Ramih Barahni. The film was a neo-realistic look at the life of a gully kid and his sister, not trying to grow up, not trying to get somewhere, just trying to survive. It was super raw, you could all the poverty and hopelessness and even the happiest or funniest parts had underlying somber tones. I don't know why people who don't have a love for film attend film screenings. If you want to see Snakes on a Plane or Eagle Eye or some huge Hollywood stinker, then Indie film and it's aesthetics are not for you. I don't mean to be an elitist but why waste your time and my ear space with your failure to appreciate or understand.

Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies, improvement, self image, thoughts, work