Scattered... but Covered:
Thoughts on a Need-to-Know Basis
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What I've Been Up To
"Having money's not everything, Not having it is." - Ye
About two Tuesdays ago, I was fired from my job. I don't find it necessary to go into details, but, let's just say it wasn't my fault (RACIST!) and leave it at that... I am asking myself: How do I cope with losing a job that kind of paid my bills, but, made me miserable? I REJOICE! I'm just glad it's over...
While being walked out of the office, I knew that I had to change my outlook and habits on a lot of things. Being a natural crybaby, I have to assure myself that I will be okay. I need to figure out what I want to gain from this current position in my life.
But, more urgently, how can I stack paper? Well, lucky for me, I am an infinitely creative person. How do I use that gift for money? or even just to be happy in my situation? For money's sake, I've decided to do the following:
While being walked out of the office, I knew that I had to change my outlook and habits on a lot of things. Being a natural crybaby, I have to assure myself that I will be okay. I need to figure out what I want to gain from this current position in my life.
But, more urgently, how can I stack paper? Well, lucky for me, I am an infinitely creative person. How do I use that gift for money? or even just to be happy in my situation? For money's sake, I've decided to do the following:
- Look for work (duh!)-Some people don't know how to look for work. I, on the other hand, do. Mom seh "Looking for a job should be your full time job." I spend about 4 hours sending out my resume and another 3 or so on the street.
- Use my skills to make things people would want to buy, i.e. jewelry, t-shirts, writing, etc. Just maintain a constant hustle. The thing about this is: in order to profit off of making stuff you gotta have capital. I gotta wait to get the capital, but, when I do, I'm gonna be big! I'm working on t-shirts.... I'm gonna be the next Married to the Mob!
- Write- My ultimate goal or career is to direct, not, write. I find myself being typecast as a writer and while I do love to write, it'd be better to get started with directing. Especially now, that I have the time (I gotta laugh at myself a little). I intend to write only because I think it will help me expand and grow creatively, in a lot of ways. I want to get my creative juices flowing... I gave all my paint and brushes away, so, I'll just write. Me revamping my blog will be my testament.
Labels: improvement, thoughts, work
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Chop Shop and Misses Me Too
Just got back in from a special screening of Chop Shop. There was a Q&A afterwards with the director, Ramih Barahni. The film was a neo-realistic look at the life of a gully kid and his sister, not trying to grow up, not trying to get somewhere, just trying to survive. It was super raw, you could all the poverty and hopelessness and even the happiest or funniest parts had underlying somber tones. I don't know why people who don't have a love for film attend film screenings. If you want to see Snakes on a Plane or Eagle Eye or some huge Hollywood stinker, then Indie film and it's aesthetics are not for you. I don't mean to be an elitist but why waste your time and my ear space with your failure to appreciate or understand.
During the Q&A, Ramih was very personable. He listened to the questions and I liked how he repeated the question out loud to make sure that he knew what to answer. Damn, I want to be that. I can't wait to have a Q&A for my own shit. That's what I want. Go around the world presenting my work. I remember when I presented work I did in school, I never was on screen but I always had butterflies in my stomach as if I was standing naked on camera, in a way I was. As a writer/director, I think I'd do a great job, I love to talk and interact with people. I've resolved to finish my screenplays. I'm tired of watching the movers and sitting on the sidelines. Shit, Cam!! It's nothing to it but to do it. Write the shit!! Ok, ok, I'm bout to go write now.
Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies, improvement, self image, thoughts, work
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I'm Scared and Excited
Right now, my application to the Grad Film Program at Tisch at NYU is sitting on someone's desk. It will stay there until they make a decision and tell me in April (at the latest) whether or not, I made it or not. I really really want to know. I don't think I can wait till then. When I spent all my expendable cash on my application, I was so excited and proud of myself, but i didn't think about things such as, how can i afford to pay for school and live in New York of all places. I'm still not sure, but i'm hoping that things will fall into place. I feel like I presented myself the best way I can, I feel that I have a lot to offer and prove and hopefully I'll get that chance. Going to NYU will be a sure fire way I will get to leave Atlanta, that's what I want to do.
If I get in:
I will be overjoyed, excited, scared, anxious. I will most of all be out of Atlanta and for my psyche that seems to be the best thing to do right now or whenever. I feel so worn and alone. I ask myself, should I post about loneliness on a blog? Won't people read it and be like "sheesh, that's girls a loser?" Well, if they do, sobeit. I'm a person and i think loneliness is something that everyone will encounter in life and if they don't, that's more disturbing than being lonesome... anyway... If i make it in, I will be leaving Atlanta to go to a city I've merely visited while seeing family.I will be leaving a good job (that I hate, don't forget that), I will be leaving my family and without steady income, who knows when I'd make it down to see them? These things matter, but not more than my dream or ambition.
If I don't get in:
I will cry and wonder what next. I will still want to move to New York, though, I just don't know how i'll get to doing that. Maybe, I can still take a film class and whatever but, I don't know how I'll get to make movies, if I don't get into Tisch. I know I don't want to work for anybody and I'd like to create things, but, from there, if i'm not writing or making movies, I don't know what else I could do that would make me happy.
I just don't understand why i have to wait till fucking April, that's a long ass time! Or worse, what if I get accepted but can't raise the money? I don't know, but I always feel as if Jah has set a plan for me and I will unknowingly adhere to it. Hopefully, that will be going to NYU and living a happy prosperous life.
The photo above is a shot I submitted in my visual portfolio, i took the shot and chose the wardrobe and mise-en-scene. It's my favorite picture that i've taken and I've taken quite a few.
Labels: dream, improvement, self image, thoughts, work
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I was Dreaming That I was floating on a 1,000 dollar bill
I was late to work this morning because I overslept, I think I'm too comfortable with my alarm clock.My Dream:
I dreamed that I was an actress on Dave Chappelle's show but I didn't know exactly what I was supposed to do. Dave was in the bed with me and then he got up and this really ugly girl came in (she was supposed to be cute in the skit, but she was really ugly, at least I thought she was) and got in the bed next to me and I guess part of the skit was for us to pretend like we're making out. and I was like "ew, no way!!" and Dave Chappelle was looking at me from the audience and he was mad cuz I messed the joke up. so then after the show when everybody had left, me and the ugly girl had to shut the place down and there was an alarm clock by the bed that went off. we pressed every button on the clock and it wouldn't turn off. I even unplugged it and threw it on the ground (in the dream!!) and it still wouldn't go out, so then I ended up carrying it around with me, I even remember the buttons on the clock, it had weird buttons like "save query" and a button that said "button". So me and the clock went up stairs and this girl who works with me (but I never talk to, I only know her cuz she went to Riverwood) was going up the stairs too, she had hurt herself and she looked in pain, I asked her what happened and she said the sprained her ankle and that she played "deca football" whatever that is. Keep in mind, this is all over the alarm clock, she was talking loud and everything...
it was really weird.