I'm downloading 88 Keys' latest album, The Death of Adam. It supposed to give an insight on male relationship induced pain. It seems to cover everything. I wanna give it a listen.

I don't believe men hurt the way women hurt. I know some women are no good, like most some men are no good. But, I have always thought that women hurt and find joy due to emotional needs. Men usually hurt from more selfish personal needs.

Me personally have realized that most things that hurt me that men do to me are things that I allow them to do. If a man gives you some wicked awesome dick and then tell you that he doesn't want a relationship, no matter how good your nash is, believe him and then run far away. I wrote a poem once, "I need to stop acting like my pussy is a dick," because I was (is) so hooked on his sex like some insatiable man.

I was in love with this person and I spent maybe a year within that "relationship" in pain from having a crush on someone who is very present in my life and knows my body sexually better than any man I've ever been with. I will never be able to make love to him, but he fucked me once/twice a month.

He now comes by for "maintenance," as I call it, but I know that he now lives with a woman and he will not allow me to deal with that. He will not admit it. I, for one, feel betrayed. If he needed a woman, why didn't he want me? But i'll just leave it at that. Ultimately, I've decided that he's only good to me for one thing and I, him.

But, anyways.... This cd is to cover all the aspects of male/female relationships and things. BFF (Best Fucking Friend, i.e. see above), M.i.l.f.s, Unprotected Sex, STDs, etc. This might be the best hip hop breakup material since "U R the One" by Mos Def. It's done! We'll see...

Labels: interesting people, love, strange inspirations, thoughts

In new relationships, I'm very wary of my man's platonic girl friends. Partly, because I know that every guy i have as a friend became my friends because we didn't work out romantically, with that said, i just don't like the idea of them being around. Since, they were around before me, I don't try to end the friendship but I do assert myself in making my position clear. This movie showed 2 platonic friends who've never slept with each other and never got the idea, until they were dirt poor, and even then they wanted to make sure they weren't going to ruin their friendship. Now, I've been blessed by never been in that position to be that broke, but i have
slept with a friend before and it not get wierd.

My particular friend was just such a sweet guy, he was always there for me whenever i needed (i returned the same favor) and he is very ambitious. I don't know why i'm speaking of him in past tense, we're still friends, lol. Anyway, the night I spent the night with him was a beautiful loving night, he made love to me like a husband on a honeymoon or anniversary. We held hands and it was very tender, the next morning, i got in my car and I was gone and we were back to our regular friendship, never to overstep that boundary again.

Zack and Miri

Filmically, it was ok. In the eyes of movie watcher, it was great! Hilarious and sweet. It was nice to see Kevin Smith back into his realm as a director, I thought I had lost him with Jersey Girl. If there was ever a story built around a porno, it could never beat this one. It handled the subject matter beautifully (if that's possible, haha). The characters were understandable and wasn't over reaching. I will say the ending was awful and openended. I always stick around to see the credits, but i did notice everyone else sticking around because, like me, they too thought there was going to be more. But, as a writer, I know how it can be difficult to end things, even when it seems to write itself.

The cast was just great and they all had their own niche in the film. Jason Mewes (Jay from Jay and Silent Bob) was back and looking kinda hot as an older man. Craig Robinson is growing on me, I believe I will have a crush soon. Funny guys kill me! Seth Rogan fits in the bucket too. He's so funny and reminds me of guys i went to high school with. I don't check for women too much and i don't know what she's been in before, but Elizabeth Banks is cute without being too beautiful or too plain.

The porn scenes were exactly like my parent's porn that I used to sneak and watch. If you're seasoned porn watcher (i'm not but i've seen my share) then you'll laugh to yourself at the little porn-isms included throughout the pic (even the font it's written in, hilarious!).

If you like these kind of movies, you should check it out. For it's genre, I'd give it a "B"

Labels: Cam Goes to The Movies, interesting people, love, my favorite things

So, I was searching for part-time jobs on craigslist and it dawned on me that I will be alone for the holidays. This time last year I was unhappily married and the year before that I woke up in my husband's arms on Christmas Day after a night long partying in Jamaica. I had spent the last 3 Christmas' with him in May Pen, Clarendon, Jamaica. Now, roughly a year later, we've seperated, I've moved on and yet my bed is still empty. I don't want my ex anymore, I'm happy with him being just an experience and a lesson, but I do wish to have someone. The winter will get cold and I will wake up alone.

I was talking to a good guy friend at work and he tells me I'm better off. He told me to just "catch and release" for a while till i find out what I want and what I have to offer to a relationship. I've caught a few this past year and one has yet to be fully released, but the sentiment is the same; I don't want to have a revolving door on my heart, my body or my future.

Christmas will be interesting as I will not get any gifts nor will I buy gifts (except for my little bro). But I won't argue with anyone or beg them to come to dinner with my family after we've screamed at each other to death either. I just pray that I have the strength to not cry and show my vulnerability this season. How will I mask my sadness when I see my sister's christmas gift from her boyfriend or whatever gift my dad got my mother. It's not just about gifts, it's that someone cares enough to make you feel special on that one day of the year that people show true love and concern. And there's no jump-off that would be so gracious as to exhibit any of those sentiments, I guess this is a true test to my independence. Hopefully, I won't be completely sour and cold whenever I do meet someone worthy of my affections.

Here is Jill Scott singing "My Petition."

Labels: love, thoughts