I dont' know what happened with this post y'all... just put your scramble vision on and sort through it, sorry... (is anyone out there? lol)

I've basically grown accustomed to dissappointment. I try not to think about it or feel sorry for myself but it happens you know? Things start out well and then it just goes down hill. But 

that's just with jobs and men. I hate my job now and I hated the one before that and I hated 

the one before that one. I hate the neglectful fake boyfriend type person that I have infested 

myself with, I hate mendacity. I'm forever surrounded by mendacity. It follows me constantly 

through life. Mendacious people with mendacious tendencies. But, I must continue on because 

I know that things will get better, but I must practice patience and forward on in this life. It is 

true that I loved my job at one point and at that time, it was better than my previous job. It is 

also true that I was crazy about my beau and I thought he was so much better than my ex 

before him at that time, it was better. I try not to lose sight of those things.

I usually get so consumed to my annoyance with my situation that I always do some hasty 

thoughtless things, like getting in my car and driving to Savannah, crying most of the way 

and getting there, drove to Tybee Island and stood at the edge of the shore in winter, ate at 

Vinnie Van Go-Gogh's, went to a studio from my old school (SCAD! Bzzzzz.....) and then drove 

home. Waste of time and something I've never mentioned until now. I do things like that all

the time. I've made the biggest decisions of my life within minutes of being given the option... 

maybe that's why I've had so many dilemmas?! lol, maybe. I'm young, now, but when I'm 30 

and I'm still doing dumb shit, then it'll just be sad.